Extra Marital affair and My counselling Experience

            How counseled the rivalry of extramarital affair.

 One of my special clients contacted me. She told that her happiness was totally lost and life was exhausted. She was found self-irritated and very angry. 

            Every human is different, so no any theory would be worked in same pattern. When I talked to the client, I was decided to recognize the pattern of the client and the peoples connected with her first. Then good rapport building was next step, so that she can share everything clearly.

1st Session.

After rapport building, Case history taking and recording in laptop or notebook is the first step of counselling. In first Session, I took case history. During taking case history tried to reach the actual problem of client. But that was only on her point of view. I was filtered the data as per my requirements. Dogged more and more through open ended questions and closed ended questions. 

Findings of the First Session: Client's husband has extramarital affairs with her friend. It was confirmed. 

2nd Session.

 During second session I tried to examine the mental status of the client. I had found her mood swing and high emotion of anger. For the good rapport she told me almost everything.

Findings of the Second Session: Client's has hypothyroidism, which leads the mood swing. She is already under medication and I advised to consult with physician for dose adjustment of medicine.

3rd Session

In third session we set the goal to uncovering the unconsciousness, finding meaning in life, Curing an Emotional Disturbance, Examining old decision and making new ones, Developing trust in oneself, and Reducing maladaptive behaviour and learning adaptive pattern.

4th Session 

Fourth session’s Objectives includes the work to achieve the set goals. We decided the objectives one by one and determined the required time to complete the objectives.

5th Session 

In fifth session rectified the procedure towards the objective, which was followed by the client. Counsellor not gives any advice, but kust guide and helps by certain psychological procedure to achieve the goal through objectives  and the psychological procedure.

6 the Session

During sixth session tested the improvements of husband wife’s relations and about the extramarital affair of client’s husband. Shifted her main focus to her life and happiness from the affair. Her cognition and beliefs has been changed.

7th Session

In 7^th session given some assignments to read some books and exercise. She confirms her feeling better and her happiness attracted her husband again. If you are not happy you could not make anybody happy.

8th Session

In 8^th session guided the client towards more improvement in her behaviour and emotions. Found error in her emotions. As a lady client correction of emotion was not so easy. But anyhow  she managed it.

9th Session 

During 9^th session she informed the good news gifting a car to her by husband.  We were discussed about what she learnt from the sessions and what to be continue life-long. She promised to follow every steps learned in counselling

10th Session 

In 10^th session we discussed about my transference and her counter transference. Now it is time to detachment of counsellor and client. So that client can live independently.

Thus,  my counselling session was ended. I had used feminist approach and CBT approach to help the client.

 

Goals of Counselling and Family Therapy

 Goals of Counselling and Family Therapy

Every therapy has a goal. Physiotherapy has certain goal to achieve in a stipulated time through certain procedure of exercises. Similarly pharmacotherapy has certain goal to cure the disease with certain doses of medicines. Thus family therapy or psychotherapy has some goal to heal the mental pain, to improve relationship, to bring the happiness in life etc. Now I want to analyze the therapeutic goal used in practice of Counselling and Family Therapy.

1. Restructuring the personality: Personality can be defined as the act done anyone for a purpose, which should not disturb any other’s work or life. If our belief systems are not well arranged, as socially accepted then, our acts may be distorted or socially not accepted too. It may lead disturbances in relationships as well as workability. The Counselling and Psychotherapy can restructure the personality.

2. Uncovering the Unconsciousness: Many people do not know about their consciousness. But they thought that their every decision is perfect. People could not see any problem as it is in reality. Only they have taken a decision on the beliefs. Through the counselling and family therapy uncovered the unconsciousness. Then they can understand how progress with consciousness.

3. Creating Social Interest: If a person isolated himself due to false cognitions and depression then therapy may create social interest. Due to lack of social interest people may go under depression and feels very lonely.

4. Finding Meaning in Life: Without purpose life is like a rather less boat. Purpose may lead the life happily and successfully. If one could not find the meaning of life, he/she may be wonder in a cyclone of situation. In that case counselling and psychotherapy may help in finding of meaning in life. For example, the addicted person lost their meaning of life, therefore they lives their life purposelessly.

5. Curing an Emotional Disturbance: Relationship problem like separation, divorce, parental relation, in laws relations, parent-child relation etc. creates emotional disturbances. Emotional disturbances always decrease the workability, reduce interests and increase anger. Counselling and family therapy cures emotional disturbances through the psychological procedures.  

6. Examining old decision and making new ones: Today’s decision makes tomorrow’s happiness. If anyone unhappy due to his/her previous decisions, then counsellor may identify such decision by examining that and help the client in making new decision, which may help to get the happiness.  

7. Developing trust in oneself: Who is not trust in oneself; he/she may lose their confidence. Psychotherapist sets the goal to develop trust in oneself by certain psychological procedure like Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy/Cognitive behaviour therapy.

8. Becoming more self-actualization: Self-actualization is very important to understand life as real as it is. If we understand the reality our decision will be more accurate/correct. That’s why becoming more self –actualization is another goal of psychotherapy.

9. Reducing maladaptive behaviour and learning adaptive pattern: Distorted behaviour changed the emotion towards unusual sign like anger, sadness etc. Such emotions may change the cognitions. Again cognitions change the behaviour. If the mal adaptive behaviour could not reduce then new pattern of behaviour could not be adapted. Psychotherapy may reduce the maladaptive behaviour and helped in learning adaptive pattern.

10. Becoming grounded in the present moment: Past can’t change and future is not seen. But future depends on the work doing in present moment. Lots of people spent their time by wondering in past and future. Thought of past can give us depression and thoughts of future can give us anxiety. The only enjoying present moment can give us the actual happiness. The psychotherapy may help the people to becoming grounded in the present moment.   

11. Managing intense emotions such as anxiety: Peoples are afraid for the darkness and lack of knowledge is actual darkness. The future thoughts and lack of darkness may create anxiety. The psychotherapy set the goal to manage the intense emotion and this would manage the cognigence to reduce the anxiety.  

12. Gaining more effective control of one’s life: Disciplines and control of life gives the true sense of happiness. But, in present society self-control for discipline is taken as burden of understanding. Therefore, psychotherapy helps to gain more effective control of one’s life.   

13. Re-authoring the story of one’s life: Counselling and psychotherapy set the goal to re-authoring the story of one’s life. Whoever is unhappy for his/her life story counselling and psychotherapy may act the life changing role. It inspires to live the life with a new thought process.

Thus, counselling and psychotherapy helps the people in need by achieving such goal through proven psychological theory and practices.

 

A STUDY ON NATURE OF PEOPLE

                                        A STUDY ON NATURE OF PEOPLE

AIM : To understand and analyze the nature of people.

OBJECTIVES:

— Individual characteristics you came across.

— Individual differences you came across.

— Personality differences among them.

— Needs and motivation differences among them.

— Which counselling/family therapy technique/theory is more suitable for what problem and which age group (with respect to the individuals you observed).

— How would family therapy be effective in the different age groups selected?

METHOD

Material Required: Pen, paper and diary.

Procedure: For this reflection, I observed three people from different life cycle stages. One is male teenage child, other is adult female bearing a child and another is male adult from the families as launching center. I have observed and compared individual characteristics, personality, problems, needs of motivation and about application of counseling and family therapy and it’s effectiveness to that age group.

 Findings: (Findings described in para A,B and C.)

A. Observations of male adult that have a teenager child:

I had observed a 13 years old boy name Bhaskarjyoti Deka.

i) Individual characteristics:

·         He is internet addicted.

·         He is less interested in his study.

·         He is overweight with high body mass index.

·         Eating too much and frequently

·         Sometime vomits due to indigestions

·         He does not like to go outside from home.

·         Fasting for a long time then eat uncontrollably.

 ii) Personality: He has an agreeable personality. He obeys parents and seniors always.

iii) Problems: The main problem is his eating disorder. As per his characteristics observed, I think he is suffering from Bulimia Nervosa. Because self-vomiting after over eating and weight gain is symptoms of bulimia nervosa. It may be the cause of his  loneliness and depression.

iv)  Needs of Motivation : He needs strong motivation to loss his weight and to change his eating habit. For regular yoga and meditation also needs strong motivations.

v) What technique of counseling and family therapy needed: He needs Family-based therapy and yoga therapy

vi) How would family therapy be effective in this age groups: Family based therapy is also known as “Maudsley Approach”. In this therapy all family members involved to achieve the goal. In first phase his eating should be controlled under the supervision of the parents or family members. In second phase balanced and healthy diet habit should be formed and in third phase weight should be reduced. For serotonin reuptake or balancing the chemical messenger in brain yoga therapy and meditations definitely may be helpful in this case of Bulimia Nervosa. His lack of interest in study and outdoor activities may also be rectified by the yoga therapy.   Particularly in this age group of adolescence both the therapy will be very effective.

B. Observations of adult female bearing a child: I observed Mrs. Nijara Huzuri, who is wife of my elder cousin brother and she is 24 years old.

i) Individual characteristics

·         Found her confused and angry in behavior.

·         She has lack of enough sleep and symptoms of anxiety.

·         Weakness and more hungriness are also seen in her.

·         Due to Caesarian surgery her backache and powerlessness disturbed her routine works.

·         Sadness, irritability and mood swing also observed in her.

·         Not interested to household work, reduced concentration.

·         She is not an open lady as I observed. She is not saying anything clearly even she does not like something. She shows it by other aggressive action.

·         Frequently complaining or criticized other.

·         She forgets the task and word easily.

·         She feels bounded because she like to traveling, shopping etc.

ii) Personality : As per the characteristics observed, she has  passive- aggressive personality. This may be taken as less serious personality disorder. Some the symptoms of postpartum disorder also seen in that situation which is somewhat similar to personality disorder.

iii) Problems

a) She is loaded with house work and childcare with ever increasing expectations from family members as to the roles of the young bride, the young mother and as the wife.

b) Her mobility is affected as she needs to be physically present with the small infant and so feels stuck up in the house.

c) She has no personal space and time for herself as the child is needs her time and energy, which her feel all bound up with housework and childcare.

d) She has health issues like backache and powerlessness after the birth of the baby and unable to lead a healthy and normal life to fulfill all the multiple roles in the family.

e) The nature and quality of the husband-wife interaction patterns change after the child is born. The changes in the communication patterns, amount of time spent together, changes in the daily routine may prove stressful to both the partners.

f) Her husband has to live far away from her due to his service responsibilities.

iv)  Needs of Motivation: As her husband not staying with her and she feels loneliness and anxiety. She is inexperienced new mother and she has not calm behavior before child birth. Therefore she may be depressed. Hence she needs strong motivation to overcome such situation.

 v) What technique of counseling and family therapy needed: As her personality shows passive –aggressive personality, I think she needs Cognitive behavioural therapy and assertive training.

 vi) How would family therapy be effective in these age groups: For some misperception and behavior make in her childhood creates these entire problem. The CBT through ABC model may help her to rectify and control the cognition, behavior and emotions. Apart from this Assertiveness training is a form of behavior therapy designed to help people stand up for themselves, to empower themselves in more contemporary term. Assertiveness is a response that seeks to maintain an appropriate balance between positivity and aggression. In this age group misunderstanding, false belief, aggressive behavior and high emotion is common. Due to some hormonal issues also they may show all these symptoms. If they can understand the actual facts then they may solve these problems by themselves. In this age the newly married lady have to adjust in many side of family system , therefore, these counseling and family therapy may be effective for these age group.

C. Observations of female adult from the families as launching center.  

          Selected to observe a 47 years old lady, name Himalini Kalita.

i) Individual characteristics

·         She stayed in home alone almost all time, as her husband busy in his service work and elder daughter married and Son is staying at Delhi for his study.

·         She is very frustrated about her children.

·         She becomes purposeless.

·         Sadness and symptoms of stress and anxiety also seen.

·         Anger and unnecessary arguments disturbs her husband.

·         Not preparing and eating food in time.

 ii) Pesonality : Her personality is introvert type. She does not share her feelings easily.

 iii) Problems : The main problem is her anxiety and stress. Her husband thinks that her problem arises like argumentative, confusion and frustration etc. due to menopause. But actual problem I think empty nest syndrome. As she is house wife, she spent almost all time with her children and in this launching time her empty nest syndrome may obvious. She thinks her life became purposeless.

 iv)  Needs of Motivation: She needs motivation to understand and accept the reality of family system and make some purpose of life. To keep busy her in some work, what give her joy.

v) What technique of counseling and family therapy needed: The Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Millan’s systematic family therapy may be very useful in this case. Yoga therapy also may have its own good impact in this case.

vi) How would family therapy be effective in these age groups: CBT helps to understand the fact and control the emotions and behavior and yoga therapy may help in correction of hormonal issues in this ages. The empty nest syndrome may be treated with the Millan’s systematic family therapy. In this therapy the therapist offer an alternate perception and reality that will free the family to develop its own solution to the problem. Systemic family therapy gives information, advice, systemic opinion (reframing), redefinition of the context, commendation for family and individual strength etc. Systemic therapist use life cycle information to generate-

a) working hypotheses about the connection between the symptom and the system and

b) question to perturb the family system, so that the family can answer its own question “ What is the most useful way for our family to function at this time?”

In this age the person enough matured and suffers common problems of empty nest syndrome and menopausal syndrome therefore, these techniques of counseling and family therapy may be effective in this age group.

                                          ANALYSIS AND DISCUSION:

In first case the teenager does not like to go outside of home due to lack of friend and eating habits, in second case she likes to go outside of home but baby wants her, so she could not leave home and in third case due to stress arise from empty nest syndrome she does not want to go to outside from home. First one is internet addicted but another two are not. Frustration and irritations were not seen in the first case but in other two cases frustration n and irritation seen.

           The personality in this three cases are found different. In first case the observed person has an agreeable personality. He obeys parents and seniors always. The second person has passive- aggressive personality. In third case personality is introvert type. She does not share her feelings easily. In all three cases there is strong need of motivation to improve their thought process.

To control bulimia nervosa family support and contributions plays very important role. In this age group of adolescence, due to hormonal changes their behavior also changes, therefore in this age group the family therapy would be most effective.  In another case a young and new bride who is still adjusting with the husband's family may feel stressed out adjusting to the new set up and also coping with the responsibility of looking after the young one. She is 24 years old and cognition is not enough matured and inexperienced in marital relations and family matters. Therefore, she needs counseling and family therapy to overcome this situation. She also needs therapy to rectify the passive-aggressive personality disorder too. Empty nest refers to the post parental stage of family life, which begins as a value-laden term based on the assumption that parents, particularly mothers, would feel lonely and depressed once their children had grown and left home; it is often associated with negative stereotypes of the menopausal woman. In third case I observed this type of empty nest syndrome and negative stereotypes. The counseling and family therapy like CBT, Systemic family therapy and yoga therapy may be very effective in this case to heal the emotional pain of such age group.

                                         CONCLUSION:

          Through these observations of three people from different stages of life cycle, it has been found that the problems in different stages are different. The observations completed the aim and achieved the objectives successfully. In counseling and family therapy it has to keep in mind that the same therapy is not working to all age group and people from different stages of life cycle. Personality, characteristics and thought process are different as per the stages of life cycle.  Thus we can understand and analyze the nature of the people.

                                                    

A STUDY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HELP

                        A STUDY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HELP

AIM : To understand what is help.

OBJECTIVES:

1. To know why did I receive/give help from/to others?

2. To understand was helping fruitful?

3. To find out was there any perceived change in the behaviour of the person who had received help?

4. To know was there any change in the behavior of the person who had helped?

5. To understand memorable characteristic(s) of the situation and persons involved.

6. To identify that what is the difference/similarity between the two situations from counselling perspective (if applicable).

7. To reflect upon what counselling skills were used in the two helping situations (if applicable).

8. To reflect upon the qualities of the persons involved in relation to therapist-client relationship.

 

METHOD

Material Required: Pen and paper.  

Procedure:

For this reflection, I have recalled two incidents. First incident has to be one in which I helped someone known to me and in the second incident I recalled when I had received help from someone known to me. Then tried to meet the objectives through interpretations and analysis

 

A. Description of the first incident:

Help means to do something for somebody in order to be useful or to make something easier for another person. Brother in law’s wife of my cousin sister showed some unusual behavior like consuming alcohol, self-harming behaviour and quarrelsome activities. Her family wants to divorce her as soon as possible. Her two daughters already sent their maternal uncle’s home. They are total unaware about psychological disorders and they don’t know it can cure by treatment. Due to social stigma they don’t want to visit psychiatrist or any mental health clinic. I met that couple I family occasion and discussed about this, after that repeatedly met them 4 times. Took case history and mental status examination was done as I had learned. Then convinced them to visit psychiatrist’s clinic. Both were counseled and given medicines by psychiatrist and now they are living happily in the same family. This is the help I had done to that family.

 

Interpretations:

When peoples are suffering from any crisis they feel directionless. Any fruitful advice and support may help them to choose the right direction to solve the problem or overcome the crisis situation. In that dysfunctional family they are almost ready for divorce.  But divorce was not good for them and solution for their problem. After divorce that lady may suffer intense depression and may be choose the path of suicide. After taking treatment and counseling now they at least understand the fact and cause of that situation and they start to understand each other. If relapse can be prevented then she may be cure totally and could be living the life happily.

 

 

Analysis

Such situation may be arises due to misunderstanding. The lady was very helpful and cordial before suffering from mental illness. She started to suspect her husband for illicit relationship with another woman. Financial conditions of them are also not good. Her husband spent hard earned money on that another woman. While she opposed him, he tortured her mentally. She starts to suffer anxiety first and untreated anxiety and continuous exposure to that environment created her depression. As symptom of full blown depression she showed self-harming, aggression, consumption of alcohol etc. But no one wants to understand her mental status. My little help make them understood about the mental health and behavioural disorders.  

 

Findings:

- Helping others to survive or to come out from the situation give some mental satisfaction.

 

- I was seen result of my help to that couple. Presently they are staying peacefully in one family. Therefore, it can be said that the helping was fruitful.

 

- Firstly husband’s behavior and attitudes towards me was not good. Even other relative of that family was not accepted my advice. But one person of their relative accepted my advice and took them to the psychiatrist. People appreciate the result not the procedure. Hence after getting some positive results their attitude and behavior were changed.

 

- Memorable characteristics of that incident was that the patient was becoming emotional with full of tears when situations going towards normal. She told me that you have done more than my own brother. Her husband also seems thankful to me.

 

B. Description of the second incident

My father got brain stroke during lock down period for the prevention of COVID 19 and hospitalized for 20 days. It was very difficult to look after him for all 20 days by me alone. No relative wants to come and help me during that pandemic situation. Only my cousin’s son i.e my nephew helped me physically in that situation. We both attended my father alternately.

 

Interpretations:

I approached almost all relative to help me in that situation. Even my father’s own grandson denied coming to hospital by showing excuses of COVID-19. But that nephew helped me without any expectations only morals. He told that if human not works for human in need then where is humanity. Animals are also helps each other in need. We are human; we should have some better understanding capacity of situations than animals. So we should help each other.

 

Analysis

        If we have hundreds of relative and friends and on need no one stands with us then what can we do? Expectations hurt always; but that was not only expectation. That was not only expectation, but moral duties of the relatives. Nephew’s help at that situation is unforgettable to me forever. Now a day’s relative also searching for profit in relationship. I was become emotional in that situation but not disclose anyone.  

 

Findings:

- He gave me help due to morals and human ethics not for any expectations or compulsion.

- That help was very fruitful for me. Without his help it was very tough to me to attend my father in hospital for long 20days. I was managing money, home and patient alone.

- Previously my behaviours towards nephew were like a senior man but after that help I understood his thoughts and believes and my attitude and behavior changed to friendship.

 

-  After helping me my nephew also feels very happy and satisfied. He was motivated to help more human being in need. That was his first work as patient’s attendant. His concept towards patient and their attendant was changed. He started to saw everybody empathetically.

 

- My father also very happy to see that grandson after recovery. He spent one full night outside of the ICU gate standing and sitting on the stair to help me. That made me emotional to him.

 

C. Reflections :

i) Expectations from the Tasks:  As per expectations evaluated the two incidents recalled from the memory and seen my thought towards both of the incidents of giving helps and receiving help. Both were improving my thought process and humanity. For human development I think help has an unavoidable role.

 

ii) Level of Difficulty: It was not so difficult to recall that incidents but some time became more emotional due to expectations from the relatives. Emotion makes easy things difficult.

 

iii) Learning: Human development could not judge by the relation or money; it could be only by thought process, believe system and actions.

 

iv) Relating with Theoretical Concepts: The simple interpretation of social exchange framework is 'Mutual help' for the peaceful survival and it is the first aspect of human life. Second aspect is that life is too complex to lead all alone. Both of the incidents could be relate with this theory of human development.

 

v) Submission of the Reflection:

·         Difference between both the cases were , in first case there was a need of mental health awareness and in second case there is need of physical presence of a trusted person. Similarities between both the cases were; all were involved with emotions and helped in extreme need.

·         In first case there was need of counseling skill likes case history taking, mental status examination and cognitive behavioural therapy. But in second situation does not required any counseling skills.

·         The qualities of the persons involved in relation to therapist-client relationship in the first situation were not so good. Because they were totally unaware about mental health, counsellig and family therapist etc. In second situation I analyzed my thought process after getting help. I found very grateful myself towards the helping person.

 

Conclusion:

Both the situation leaded by help. And we should keep in mind that whatever we did as a help it comes to us in need. We should not help for any expectation; even for the return help. Through these two task of this practical achieved the aim and objectives by the instructed procedure. It really helped us to understand what help is. It will help me to create a more confident helping nature and it will help  me in the counseling and family therapy sessions.